Farmer Clarke
'''Antillo Alejandro Mantido Josef Claratos Clarke-Silva '''is a Hispanic farmer currently residing in the small farming village community of Penisham, Oklahoma, United States. Farmer Clarke was born on the 6th July, 1957, to Antonio Zacharias, a big time Brazilian gangster and drug kingpin, and Stinky "Fingers" Clarke-Silva, a farmgirl from Mexico. He has told many tales of his past, like for example the day he ordered a bb gun but only half of it came. Once joe said his uncle owned EA which is interesting. Josef is so bad at FIFA 13 that he was once losing 100-0 and then his goalkeeper got an ak47 out and shot the opposing team because fifa is obviously violent hence it's pegi 3 rating. Birth and Early Life Antonio Zacharias kidnapped Fingers Clarke-Silva in 1942 for the lulz. She shot him, they fell in love, yadda yadda. In 1949, Fingers gave birth to Theodore (also known as "Ted" or "Teddy") Zacharias. She also had Hernandez "Hernie" Zacharias in 1952 and Zeedeedawgg "Zee" Zacharias in 1953. Finally, in Autumn 1956, as the leaves dropped from the trees, Antonio and Fingers made sweet sweet love and a stalk dropped a baby outside their window the next year. Farmer Clarke's name (Antillo Alejandro Mantido Josef Claratos) comes from each family member geting to choose a name. Antonio chose Antillo because it sounded like armadillo (his favourite chocolate bar was Daim), Fingers picked Alejandro because of the future Lady Gaga song and I guess she must've been a psychic, Ted chose Mantido because that was his pet name for the male reproductive organs, Hernie chose Josef because he thought Stalin was a pretty cool guy, and finally, Zee chose Claratos because he was only four and a bit of an idiot. The family lived in shitty urban Brazil and occasionally visited Fingers' roosters in Mexico. At school, Joe was good at Maths (1 egg + 1 egg + 2 eggs) and Biology ("My rooster has a beak"), but that was all. At the Oklahoma GCSEs in 1973, he failed all of them except for the aforementioned Maths and Biology, for which he got Cs. After graduating from school, he went to work as a farmhand at Old Man Mallaclavo's Farm in the rain forest. There, Clarke discovered his meaning in life: to become a farmer. AAMJCCS upped sticks and moved to Mississippi, where he married a hillbilly by the name of Billie Jean Clara. The two had some inbred kids, Eeenbread and Cletus, and lived happily until 1977, when Josef transformed into an old man. Oklahoma, Arkansas, I do love my Ma and Pa Source: "Home" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zone (the song from the Honda advert) Antillo A.M.J.C. Clarke-Silva lived in Arkansas briefly, before his father was shot George Wallace-style in the back and was paralyzed. Antonio and Fingers moved in with Clarke, who needed a source of profit for a large barn house for them all to live in. He chose to go to Oklahoma, known for it's BBQ Sauce and underage pregnancy. There, Farmer Clarke knocked up a couple of hilbillies, divorced Billie Jean Clara, and married a fellow Hispanic person, a woman called Los Juliana Santos Lota Loca Lisa Moko Moto Mota San Andreas (known as Sandy to her friends). Clarke, Sandy, Antonio and Fingers lived in the barn and just had great times. Until, THE PLAGUE THE PLAGUE A pig got a bit sick. Caused some havoc, Clarke went broke. What next? Antillo Josef and his family bought a flat. They lived there until 2001, when Antonio died at the age of 113. Then they started dropping like flies. The next year, Fingers jumped off a billboard for lulz, Ted got shot in a duel with Dick Cheney, Hernie choked on some LSD (he thought eating it would be fun) and Zee fell down a well. In 2005, Billie Jean Clara got abducted by aliens and left for Venus, where she got hitched with a Minotaur and had a boy, Minotaur Jr., Eeenbread married his own cousin but died of embarrassment at the ceremony, and Cletus choked on a live turtoise. Nowadays, Clarke and Sandy have the farm back and they have a kid, Graham Clarke-Silva. He wants to be a boxer. They got the farm back. Lulz. Family Tree Category:Hispanic people Category:Americans Category:All-American bullet-headed Saxon mother's son